Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
