Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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