Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What drink are we having for lunch?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
