When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
