I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
