worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
