i just had sex bonerless
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
