rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
