life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
