I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
