It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
