she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
