You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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