He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
