i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
