I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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