By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
