You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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