Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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