I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think i have two assholes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
