Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
