wat bout pragnant strippers??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
