they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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