Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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