So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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