guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
