Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
