Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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