I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
