Soap is not a condiment
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't notice because vodka
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
