I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
