At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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