So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
