You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Soap is not a condiment
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
