I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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