Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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