i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
