oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
