youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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