You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize