So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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