i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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