I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
