In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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