Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
