Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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