Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
