nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize