you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
