Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
