I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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