he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
how does that bad decision feel?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
