he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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