i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
