i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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