Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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