its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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