I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize