I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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