We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
