Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
