I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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