One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
