You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
