I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
