Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
